Archive | January, 2011

The story of the straw and the camel’s back.

3 Jan

DISCLAIMER:

Hang on to your bloomers folks, this is a long one. It’s got chapters; you might want to take that potty break now.

PROLOGUE:

Breaking: (v) def ~ the process of taming a wild horse.

INTRODUCTION:

“…we always said we’d resist and indeed we desisted…”

Imani misquoted.

CHAPTER ONE:

“Ladies and gentlemen, public service address: I just might make it home by 7.30pm! 7.30! *this day gets weirder and weirder*”

I tweeted on my way home from my first workday in 2011.

You see I usually self flagellate for no apparent reason by working quite late on a daily basis. Today was different; I had been forcibly evicted from the office early and was headed home. So it was a weird occurrence, but it felt good.

Unusual for Nairobi, there was only a light flow of traffic out of town, up Langata road, which trickled into the bottle neck just before the bomas causing slight traffic that crept along slowly up the hill towards the magadi road turn off. Indeed, a weird occurrence for a road that usually sees a maddening standstill jam daily from Barracks at that hour.

CHAPTER TWO:

And then the madness began.

“Seeing matatu driver’s bumper riding ambulances just to get ahead DISGUSTS me to the very core of my being. Utter fuckery!!”

I tweeted as a patient bearing ambulance, sirens blazing, rushed to save a life, and tailgating it, causing all sorts of mayhem in its wake, an errant matatu bulldozed at full speed. Bile welled up in the depths of my bowels.

You see it made no sense to me, that one human being would recklessly endanger his 14 passengers, trying to save a couple of minutes by bumper hugging another human being who was trying to save the life of his one charge.

You’ll have to bear with me, but I’m the type that gets incensed by nonsensical overlapping on the road.

CHAPTER THREE:

“And so the friggin matatu crashes while at it!! Fuck you dude, you’re everything that is wrong with humanity!! NKTEST!”

I tweeted as we caught up with the same matatu 5 minutes later.

The tosser had gotten into a fender bender with an oncoming motorist while in pursuit of idiocy.It was nothing serious, divinity had intervened and no one was hurt. The bile rose up to the base of my throat.

Venting on twitter, I shared my frustrations with @egovanego and @madnjomz.

“Ok Loco… calm down luv.”

@Archermishale intervened, advice that I was about to heed, but then surprise surprise, WTF of WTFville, IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!!! Same script different cast!

FINAL CHAPTER:

“Just saw it again!! The fuck?! I’m not giving myself ulcers over this, won’t even be sad about it. I’m done giving a shit.”

I replied to Archer.

And just like that I was done caring, done feeling. You might have to bear with me again, I’m the type that gets affected by 50% of what I think is rotten with the world, and the only reason the other 50% doesn’t affect me is because I don’t know what it is yet.

I want to remain an idealist, a humanist even, but by Jude I can’t. I won’t. It will be the death of me. So you may now call me disillusioned, jaded even. I need to become a drone, a bot even. Report to work, slave away mindlessly till the end of the day, trudge home unfeelingly alongside the masses and repeat sequence until numbness is achieved.

CONCLUSION:

I may not be wild and in need of taming, I may only bear a fleeting resemblance to a horse, but you could say I’ve been broken.

EPILOGUE:

Check with me tomorrow, I just might give a fuck again.

~ DEUCES ~